Can't relax

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas... (not really, even though it's frost and freezing outside, it's more like fall). I'm excited for Christmas, but I feel like I can't relax. I feel like I have so much left to do, but I can't do anything about it. I'm waiting to receive 2 books with monologues and scripts so I can pick  and prepare a monologue for the acting program I'm applying for next year(hopefully that shows up tomorrow or...). 

Working with teenagers that doesn't show respect and who isn't as serious as I am when it comes to acting, makes me so annoyed and stressed out, and with a show coming up next week I don't know what to do... I feel like it's been to much for me to deal with on my own, they're not showing up they don't know their lines (GOD I wish I could yell at them and tell them to step up their game, but I'm to tired and exhausted to deal with that as well). I'll do my best to make this a great ending to the season though, I know my character and lines, but with everything happening, I'm not gonna lie I get affected. I alos work extra as an supply teacher, really enjoy that so hopefully I can continue doing that as well.

I'm just gonna put this out there, I think I'm depressed... My mood is like a rollercoaster and I'm tired all the time, sometimes I just want to cry, and I feel like I'm not doing enough. I need someone to  tell me "you can do this, that'll help you get into the business", but I know that won't happen, so I procrastinate, which makes me feel anxious. I'm all over the place, and I can't talk to anyone because everyone have their own problems to deal with... I just wish I got lucky and booked a really big acting gig, and could work for hours and hours on set and stay happy for the rest of my life, but it's never that easy. 

I pray to god I'll get accepted to the acting school, so I can get my life back on track, and one step closer to my goal of becoming a full-time actor. 
I just had to get things out there, and that's why I started this blog in the beginning, to share what's on my mind and share my acting experience. 

only 11 days left to Christmas! 

P.s forgot to update the blog after the big show last month, so here  are some pictures from the show, we raised almost 400K sek to the breast cancer fond which is unbelievable!!