Book Launch reflecting

 


Went to my friend Bjorn's book Launch last night and I didn't know what to expect. I just wanted to have a good time, mingle, eat, drink and get the book. 
Did I have a good time?? YES, it was an amazing evening, with lots of amazing people, people I hadn't seen in ages. I took the time to just listen and watch what was going on, and I got so much out of it. I gave it all day to let it sink in, and I feel like I'm reborn.  Everything that was said tester day is what I've been wanting to hear and wanting to find. I can only sum it up by saying it was amazing. Bjorn is an incredible inspiration and brilliant writer, I was hooked by the first pages in the book, he's been though a lot and I can relate to a lot of it, and I think most people who're fighting for something can! 

So it's Sunday, I've done the laundry, made dinner, read a few chapters in the book, watched Seahawks football highlights and been daydreaming about America, Christmas, Thanksgiving and the Wizarding World. My mind feels rested, the imaginary brain half is blooming. 
I also started collecting quotes in a notebook I got as a present for my show. I'll fill it and remind myself to read it every now and then to gain inspiration. 

Oh, and I also made a few plans for my comeback on youtube. (lol, not really) I made some plans for vlogs and things I can do in the vlogs to make things more interesting. The next step is to plan and create an "acting video" as I call them, and film a character. I think it't time for a comedy this time! 

Over and out! 

Inspirational Roundtables

Here are 3 really inspiring episodes of "The Hollywood Reporters - Roundtables" - It feel so good hearing from professionals that the face the very same issues you do. I recommend every actor, person in the business to listen and learn.  

The day after the show

We just finished wrapping up the show "Dance all the way", and it was a success. WE got some really good reviews and wow what an amazing audience, they were so present with us. And all the compliments after the show, was a bit overwhelming, and I couldn't comprehend what they where saying. (as always I can't take compliments, and I think they're all lying to me just to make me feel good). I was exhausted after the 3 shows. The fact that I burst into tears and have a really emotional scene 3 times in a row was just exhausting, but very interesting (I've learnt a lot). I heard from my friends grand mother "He cried real tears". To b fair it was harder than it might have seen, once I let go it comes naturally, but before that is a whole different journey. But I'm super glad it turned out the way it did, I lived very truthfully under the imaginary circumstances, so I'm proud of my performances. 


Still, I can't comprehend the day after... It's always hard to wake up the day efter the show is wrapped up and feel good.
The first thought on my mind was "Was I good enough?" "Did I really perform well" "Was my storytelling, monologues believable" - What I've heard, the answer is yes. But then comes the subconscious and tells me otherwise. It's really annoying, I should just let it go, and trust the audience, they wouldn't have given us a standing O and told me how good I performed this character and the scene if they didn't really think so, then they would have been silent. 
So this is something I have to work on, and I know it. I need to work on the trust issue. But that goes deeper than I first thought. I will do my best to find tools to deal with this issue so I can finally start trusting people. 

I did feel good yesterday, and I felt like i lived in the moment, and went on the ride and was open to whatever was coming my way. I just feel like I need to gain more confidence. In order to gain more confidence I need to learn to master my voice technique, and to teach my self it's okay to fail, it's what makes you better and helps you try new things that will later lead you to the right choices. LET GO MORE FELIX, HAVE FUN! 

IT was an amazing experience and I can say that I've learnt so much,  not only as an actor but as a dancer, creator, writer and about myself. I loved every second about it, and already miss it. But now it's time for vacation and to let everything sink in! Then clear the mind and find a new project to take on! 

           

Showtime

With only 4 days left before the opening, I've received yet another cold... (I'm freaking out). On top of this I have to face the constant struggle to overcome the anxious thinking about my ability to perform and portray this character (not the first time, It's part of the job), I know.. this happens every time, It's just in my head, something I really need work on and overcome. I try to remember all this successful rehearsals that I've had, and print that into my head, I know how to do this. And I've got some great response from the people watching, I just need to remind myself of that, and leave everything else outside of my head. I can do this! I can do this! I can do this!  But sometimes I feel like with everything going on around my I have a hard time focusing, I need to learn how to shut that out! 

I've found that, meditation, calming music, relaxing and mindfulness helps a lot. I just need to keep doing it and become a master of it. (lol) 

With all this going on, I'm actually really excited about the show, and to perform, and stretch my boundaries and develop as an actor, and step out of my comfort zone. I love the art that we create on stage and in front of the camera and would never trade anything for it. I just wanna keep doing this for the rest of my life, learn more and tell great stories. 

Tommy is such an interesting Character and I really feel a connection to him. The difficult part is that he's dying from Cancer and can't do anything about it but to live on with his life. And that's what I admire in him, he uses that negativity to bring out something good inside of him (he got the kick he needed). He could have just given up, but instead he tries even harder to find something to fight for, a goal and live life to the fullest. And I've learnt during the process that that's exactly how I would do it too. I've learnt a lot about the 70th, 80th and 90th, about Leukaemia, about myself, about life after death, about choices that some people have to make. I'm so grateful, and I love Drama and the fact that I can call myself a drama actor, but I still think I'm more of a fantasy, adventure, horror kind of actor. Honestly I just love to tell stories! 

It's been a learning experience with two shows running at the same time and It's been difficult to process everything that's been going on. I've had an open mind and it's only given me good things. I'm taking (I will at least try) 1 month off, after all this, to charge up the batteries and disappear into the imaginary world of meditation and infinity. Also to learn more about life and who I am. I'm going to make trip to London to visit some friends and do the Christmas shopping there. I'm also gonna go to the gym, and catch up on all the episodes of my favourite shows the I've been missing out on. AND READ A LOT OF BOOKS! 

I love that I can turn to this blog and just abreact/let off some steam, it's amazing!! 

I'm going to bed now, long day tomorrow and the rest of this week! 

Night