The day after the show

We just finished wrapping up the show "Dance all the way", and it was a success. WE got some really good reviews and wow what an amazing audience, they were so present with us. And all the compliments after the show, was a bit overwhelming, and I couldn't comprehend what they where saying. (as always I can't take compliments, and I think they're all lying to me just to make me feel good). I was exhausted after the 3 shows. The fact that I burst into tears and have a really emotional scene 3 times in a row was just exhausting, but very interesting (I've learnt a lot). I heard from my friends grand mother "He cried real tears". To b fair it was harder than it might have seen, once I let go it comes naturally, but before that is a whole different journey. But I'm super glad it turned out the way it did, I lived very truthfully under the imaginary circumstances, so I'm proud of my performances. 


Still, I can't comprehend the day after... It's always hard to wake up the day efter the show is wrapped up and feel good.
The first thought on my mind was "Was I good enough?" "Did I really perform well" "Was my storytelling, monologues believable" - What I've heard, the answer is yes. But then comes the subconscious and tells me otherwise. It's really annoying, I should just let it go, and trust the audience, they wouldn't have given us a standing O and told me how good I performed this character and the scene if they didn't really think so, then they would have been silent. 
So this is something I have to work on, and I know it. I need to work on the trust issue. But that goes deeper than I first thought. I will do my best to find tools to deal with this issue so I can finally start trusting people. 

I did feel good yesterday, and I felt like i lived in the moment, and went on the ride and was open to whatever was coming my way. I just feel like I need to gain more confidence. In order to gain more confidence I need to learn to master my voice technique, and to teach my self it's okay to fail, it's what makes you better and helps you try new things that will later lead you to the right choices. LET GO MORE FELIX, HAVE FUN! 

IT was an amazing experience and I can say that I've learnt so much,  not only as an actor but as a dancer, creator, writer and about myself. I loved every second about it, and already miss it. But now it's time for vacation and to let everything sink in! Then clear the mind and find a new project to take on!