Showtime

With only 4 days left before the opening, I've received yet another cold... (I'm freaking out). On top of this I have to face the constant struggle to overcome the anxious thinking about my ability to perform and portray this character (not the first time, It's part of the job), I know.. this happens every time, It's just in my head, something I really need work on and overcome. I try to remember all this successful rehearsals that I've had, and print that into my head, I know how to do this. And I've got some great response from the people watching, I just need to remind myself of that, and leave everything else outside of my head. I can do this! I can do this! I can do this!  But sometimes I feel like with everything going on around my I have a hard time focusing, I need to learn how to shut that out! 

I've found that, meditation, calming music, relaxing and mindfulness helps a lot. I just need to keep doing it and become a master of it. (lol) 

With all this going on, I'm actually really excited about the show, and to perform, and stretch my boundaries and develop as an actor, and step out of my comfort zone. I love the art that we create on stage and in front of the camera and would never trade anything for it. I just wanna keep doing this for the rest of my life, learn more and tell great stories. 

Tommy is such an interesting Character and I really feel a connection to him. The difficult part is that he's dying from Cancer and can't do anything about it but to live on with his life. And that's what I admire in him, he uses that negativity to bring out something good inside of him (he got the kick he needed). He could have just given up, but instead he tries even harder to find something to fight for, a goal and live life to the fullest. And I've learnt during the process that that's exactly how I would do it too. I've learnt a lot about the 70th, 80th and 90th, about Leukaemia, about myself, about life after death, about choices that some people have to make. I'm so grateful, and I love Drama and the fact that I can call myself a drama actor, but I still think I'm more of a fantasy, adventure, horror kind of actor. Honestly I just love to tell stories! 

It's been a learning experience with two shows running at the same time and It's been difficult to process everything that's been going on. I've had an open mind and it's only given me good things. I'm taking (I will at least try) 1 month off, after all this, to charge up the batteries and disappear into the imaginary world of meditation and infinity. Also to learn more about life and who I am. I'm going to make trip to London to visit some friends and do the Christmas shopping there. I'm also gonna go to the gym, and catch up on all the episodes of my favourite shows the I've been missing out on. AND READ A LOT OF BOOKS! 

I love that I can turn to this blog and just abreact/let off some steam, it's amazing!! 

I'm going to bed now, long day tomorrow and the rest of this week! 

Night